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Entry #182

amazing dream

2014-07-26 13:23:42 by Jiovanni

I have been drinking yerba mate tea lately. I was reading that aside from the energy and antioxident properties it has, it can also cause a person to have a deeper sleep at night. It seems to work well for me because I drink it around 6pm and when I go to be around 11pm, I can still feel it in my system. so far I have never felt jittery or caffinated like usual black or green tea. (sorry for spelling errors, for some reason the spell checker is not working).

So I had this weird dream last night. It was very confusing and didn't make a lot of sense to me. I was visiting my sister and her daughters in Chico. Her older daughter was dealing with mental instability and major depression. The weird thing was at one point in the dream, my niece had actually died, but then later in the dream when I came to visit she was alive again. I don't know what that kind of time lapse occurred. when I arrived my sister let me know what was going on and I went into my niece's room to cheer her up. Suddenly her father came in to talk to her and I. He was dressed in his police outfit, with badge and holster and everything. He looked perfect and so real. I looked up at him, stood up to greet him. I hugged him and then subconsciously I became aware and really looked into his eyes and saw him. I broke down crying. I was trying not to, as was he-- because we were in front of his daughters. It was so damn difficult though. We were trying to hold it back, to hold back the tears, but we couldn't. I think I finally broke away from him and knelt down to see my niece and explain to her that everything was okay. She was confused and scared, looking at me. 

The reason this was so emotional and powerful on my psyche was because I haven't seen my brother in law in 5 years. He had a cardiac episode in June 2009 which caused him to have a brain injury. Since his accident, he has been in a long term care facility in a vegetative state. He has never recovered. It has been several years since I have dreamt about him. In that moment, he was there, he was real, I could reach out and hug him and see him for who he was-- now how he is now. Even in a dream, I had so much awareness, and emotional connection. 

I will also occasionally also dream of my husband's uncle, who had passed away from cancer in 2012. The dreams are the same as well, very strong and emotionally gripping and over powering.

I will say, when I woke up from my dream last night, I felt so out of it. Like I kind of had to wake myself up and look around and focus on where I was, because of how vivid and real that dream was. 

The human brain works in mysterious ways. 


Comments

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DoomroarDoomroar

2014-07-29 02:32:30

But so what if it was a dream? just enjoy the fakeness of it being a dream, that's the whole point of being aware that you are dreaming.

Jiovanni responds:

yeah, that's true. I was growing aware of the dream being fake in my dream this weekend, but instead of arguing with him, I just relaxed and enjoyed that moment. Real or not, it was comforting.
I just went online today and my sister is organizing their annual triathlon in his honor. He was a very active guy. His wife and kids do the triathlon every year.


DoomroarDoomroar

2014-07-28 13:14:47

Haha you are way too sensible, arguing with a dream bout how real it is XD.

Jiovanni responds:

haha! I know, it was weird. I was totally in my BIL's face arguing with him that he wasn't real and that the whole thing was a lie. I was so angry in that dream-- because in reality I knew he wasn't okay. But he spent that entire dream, trying to calm me down and tell me that it was okay and that he was alright and real.
I was basically arguing with myself, with my subconscious, with my self-manifested dream.

It is still a weird situation. it's like he is in limbo. Not dead, but not quite alive either.


DoomroarDoomroar

2014-07-27 13:13:43

Yeah the one about the faces is quite a widespread and accepted notion about our dreams and how our brain makes them, well it depends of the type of dream, but glad to hear that you are getting the kind of dreams that push you towards beautiful perspectives.

Jiovanni responds:

me too. For a while the dreams were always happy, but I was the negative one. I would see my brother in law at a family gathering at a restaurant or BBQ and I would single him out and accuse him of lying to me and not being real. He would then spend the time in the dream, reassuring me that he was real and that it was not a lie. I would break down and finally believe him, even though I was skeptical. Then I would wake up to the disappointment. One of the last dreams I remember having of him before yesterday, he was in a hospital bed in an abandoned facility. Vines, moss, earth, and plants had over grown the outside of the facility and had crept into the walls surrounding his room. He lay there motionless and I visited him. That was the first time that my psyche actually acknowledged what had happened to him. It was a shock to the system. The whole dream I just stared at him in that bed, just absorbing the true reality. It upset me so much, that I didn't dream about him for a long time. Until the other night.

We never truly know what we have, until it is gone. But at least I can have happy dreams and he continues on in my memory.

He is still alive, but his state of mind and self, is not.


DoomroarDoomroar

2014-07-27 04:41:11

The spellchecker doesn't works on the text editor of the NG blogs, so if is a worry for you you could write it in other text editor and then just copy paste it here.

Yeah dreams are weird, and we don't know exactly why they happen, but i like to go with the hypothesis that says that they are reorganization of our memories, and i also like the other one that says that they help in our very important process of forgetting not-so-useful information, but that one doesn't seems to apply here.

Jiovanni responds:

I heard once that every face you see in a dream, is actually a human face that you have seen at one point in your life. My brain has made some crazy dreams and objects in the dreams over the years. I think it's quite beautiful.


VicariousEVicariousE

2014-07-26 15:57:55

It certainly does. I'm glad you had dreams of love and comfort, even if they were surrounded by sadness and loss, it shows that you're tied to the better things in life.

Jiovanni responds:

that's true. I will always remember him as he was, not how he is.