For those of you who cannot tell, although I heavily immerse myself into lifeless clay creations and long-winded drawings w/ little fruitful bearing, I am unfortunately a writer at heart. It tends to come out every now and then, and I see myself forgetting often- or rather pushing away- my once bright past of writing. I feel terrible for letting the knowledge and creativity that I once had with words, wither and slink into the darkness...
This is something I wrote and had posted on my birthday 8/3/13. It was never commented on. I was looking back on it with a sense of admiration and wanted to share it once again. I am my own worst critic. always and forever....
"What makes you so damn special?!"
Yeah, I hear that on a daily basis, from my worst critic: myself. That and the rest of the world.
So, is there anything? No, honestly no. Especially not here on Newgrounds where your flash animations
hold more weight in gold that any art piece you could ever create.
I have posted art on here countless times only to fall to deaf ears and blind eyes.
Fame is not my game. I just want to been seen.
Some days I just want to know that all my efforts aren't for waste of breath and energy.
This is my hobby, not my career. I sit at a desk all day and watch my life go by.
Each minute, hour, day, week, month year.
Today on August 3rd, it is my birthday. I can't believe that the year went by in a blink of an eye.
To continue on track a midst my senseless ramblings..
Nothing makes me special here. I don't animate, my art will forever be a wallflower.
Do you know that I was once a scouted artist on the forum? You couldn't guess it by looking at me.
I was scouted and vouched for for less than a week. I was so excited for the one week. I started posting my art like
a mad man with limitless cash... It was beautiful. I thought to myself "they really like me! I must be doing something great!"
And then, in the blink of an eye it was gone. My title was stripped and I was crushed and broken in the gutter. To be forgotten and left to die. I have rebuilt slowly. I can only post so many art pieces on the forum, so I have to made the hard decision to sacrifice a previous art piece in order to submit something new.
I get by, in my own little worthless world. I submit an art piece, look at it there all shiny and pretty, knowing although it will only shine bright in my eyes, in the end that's all the matters. The master must love his creation in order for it to thrive.
I don't animate, as I have explained before. I have tried to attempt that avenue a few times, only to end in mass confusion and failure. And the failure haunts me on here as I have nothing to really show for myself in the online society. I am the little creature in the corner; not even being mocked or spit upon because no one realizes I am even there. I hide in the shadows, watching.. waiting. I sometimes comment on other's animations. I log in diligently, giving as many 5 star ratings as I can to other's flashes in the hopes of making some small, tiny difference to the overall rating of their piece. I try.
Nothing but deaf ears and blind eyes.. I am lost in a sea of them. Maybe someday I will be allowed back in the art portal..
There is always hope.
"What makes you so damn special?!"
You're right... absolutely nothing makes me special in this life or the next.. Nothing truly makes me special or better than anyone else. But none of us really are. We are here and then we are gone. All that remains is our imprint on humanity, on society. That is what I want, that it what I inspire to do. Nothing makes me special, but someday I hope to be.